Top Three Mistakes New Brides Make

You want the first year of married life to be blissful. But did you know that many brides find the first year of marriage to be stressful, even humbling in the degree to which that first year challenges the marriage? You can nip the top three mistakes brides make in the bud, increasing the likelihood that your honeymoon period will last and last and last!

First Mistake

The first mistake is the belief that you have to be perfect. This mistake leads to all kinds of behavioral and emotional changes that cause your new husband to wonder who you really are!

When you believe you have to be the perfect wife, you discover this belief permeates every corner of your life. You may not have given much thought to your neighbors before, but now you want to make a good impression because you are married. Now, when you throw a party, whether or not it goes well affects both you and your husband especially if, with the party, you mean to impress key people in his life.

The first stage of married life can bring your nesting instinct to the surface as you find you want your home to be beautiful and clean all the time. The difference now is you are sharing your space with a man who has claim to you as family.

If your marriage includes the first home and real yard you have had as an adult, suddenly there is a whole yard of grass, plants, and weeds making an impression on the neighbors and only so much time in a weekend to get it all taken care of. Since you want to look nice for the neighbors, pulling weeds on a regular basis becomes a hated past time.

You stretch for perfection in all these activities and more only because you are now married. In the process, you put pressure on yourself to perform in ways that drain you from the things you most love and enjoy. Truly, no one asks this level of perfection from the bride except the bride herself!

If you have a Type “A” personality, all the extra pressure may work for you for awhile and it may not cause you to appear a stranger to your husband; however, reaching for this kind of perfection puts a damper on the honeymoon phase of your relationship! It is impossible to try to be the perfect wife and not wind up with basketfuls of resentment all around you. If you are not a Type “A” personality, the resentment can be overwhelming. It isn’t worth it!

If you find yourself reaching for perfection because you are now a married bride, take a good long look at that desire and consider giving it up. If you just have to reach for it anyway, at least start a list of things you can let go of when it gets to be too much!

Nothing sets a woman up to choose being right over connection with her beloved the way reaching for perfection will. Trust us. Let this one go!

Second Mistake

The second mistake is treating him like a child, trying to fix him now that he is legally yours! Have you heard the advice that you cannot change anyone else; you can only change yourself? These days, with couples being comfortable living together before marriage, they find themselves on the receiving end of all kinds of relationship advice. The fact that you cannot change anyone else; you can only change yourself is one of those that top the advice list for couples.

There is something about getting married though. When he becomes yours body and soul and in the eyes of God and man, his deficiencies seem to cry out for your attention. Things that never got on your nerves before will have you biting your tongue until it is blue for how badly you want to get in there and fix him! Don’t do it! It puts you in the role of mama to his little boy and it will quench desire faster than anything will.

If you want to send a man to his cave, then treat him like a little boy and cut loose with your desire to fix him, make him better, improve him, etc. etc. It will bring that honeymoon feeling to a screeching halt and you may not be able to get it back.

Instead, try remembering what you found delightful about him in the first place. Trust the fact that he is an adult male who has taken perfectly good care of himself up to this point. He may not do things or say things the way you do, but that doesn’t give you the right to judge him, find him lacking, and determine how he needs to change to make you happy.

Third Mistake

The third mistake new brides make is relinquishing self-respect and power, treating him like a father figure. So many little girls grow up dreaming of that wonderful day when their father (and/or mother) will give her away to Prince Charming. Even here in the 21st century, the romantic fantasy of the perfect wedding can cause a woman to forget how capable, powerful, effective, and productive she is in other aspects of her life. That wedding day, with all its preparations, can feel like the pinnacle of success!

It isn’t the pinnacle. There is a lot more life to lead beyond the wedding date with a number of more successes to have. In the meantime, until that reality sets in, it is easy to confuse one’s husband with one’s parents, especially the father figure. If you are not careful, you will find yourself making decisions hoping your husband will rescue you from yourself. This can result in bad decorating choices, poor work related decisions, trusting the wrong people, adopting pets too early or too many, getting pregnant too early, etc. etc.

The most fulfilling romantic relationships are those between equal partners who understand the differences of gender and enjoy a lifetime of discovering the mystery of each other. Trying to be perfect, turning him into your son, making him like a father will spend your energy until you feel dried up, full of resentment, and longing to feel young and in love again, wondering if you made a mistake. The drive to make these mistakes seems ingrained in the females of the human species. However, that doesn’t mean you don’t have a choice. You do not have to be a victim of relationship circumstances. Furthermore, the idea that the first year of marriage is the hardest does not have to be your reality!

You get to choose how your first year will be, and every year after that! When you feel you are on the verge of one of these mistakes, or even smack-dab in the middle of one, treat it like a bad habit and make another choice! Be with the discomfort of needing to be perfect, wanting to fix him, or wanting to relinquish your power to him and make another choice. Your shift in gears on these issues will add to your mystery and allure to your beloved. He will sense your respect for him and for yourself and he will love it. He will cherish you for it.

Then you will be able to get back to the feelings and actions of the love and married bliss of the honeymoon period. You may even become the envy of all your friends for the degree to which you two simply love and like each other!

Article Source: http://www.articlesbasecamp.com

Joseph and Sarah Elizabeth Malinak are the authors of "Getting Back to Love." The advice book on romantic relationships that is changing lives before people finish reading it! See www.GettingBacktoLove.com (FREE DVD when you order). For FREE newsletter, visit www.IdealRelationships.com.

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